


Think About It

by Gingersaurus



Category: Free!
Genre: 50 Percent Off Verse, Haru's Mind, Inner Dialogue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 05:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10869933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gingersaurus/pseuds/Gingersaurus
Summary: Haruka's inner voices try to navigate his sexual relationship with Makoto.





	Think About It

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on Octopimp's interpretation of Free! found in the parody series 50% Off. I recommend watching a few clips of that before reading this.

Haruka and Makoto were having sex.  Well, not at that exact moment.  At least, not yet.  But they were having sex on a pretty regular basis.

When they were kids they would look at and explore each other’s bodies, as kids sometimes do.  In middle school, they started kissing and touching each other.  They were curious about what it felt like to be physically intimate with another person.  They had sex for the first time during high school.  It was a haphazard, messy, confusing affair.  Especially for Haruka.

_Makoto is holding my penis,_ Haruka had thought to himself the first time they did it.  _And I am holding Makoto’s penis.  Guys, we did it, right?  We did the sex?_

_No, that’s not how sex works, Haru!_ Haruka argued with himself.  _Haven’t you ever watched porn?_

_No, I haven’t, Haru.  Haru doesn’t let us watch porn because all Haru ever wants to do is swim!_

_Okay, guys, guys, Haru, Haru, Haru, Haru.  I think I got it.  We put the penis in something._

_Like in a box?_

_Or a dolphin?_

_What?  No!  Like in a mouth.  Or a butt.  Or an ear.  I dunno, I’m just trying, okay!?_

_In a butt?  That sounds weird._

_You know what else sounds weird?  Your face, Haru!_

_We all have the same face, Haru!_

_Shut up, Haru, Makoto’s talking to us._

“Gosh, I’m sorry for asking, that must be weird,” Makoto laughed.

“Huh?  I wasn’t listening.  What did you say?” Haruka responded.

“It’s nothing, I’m really sorry for asking,” Makoto insisted as he began to put his pants back on.

Haruka stopped him by grabbing his wrist.  He stared intensely at Makoto, and Makoto gazed nervously back.  “Makoto,” Haruka said.  “Do you want me to put my penis in your ear?”

“What?”

“Butt.  I said butt.”

_Nice save, Haru._

_Thank you, Haru._

_I was being sarcastic.  No one wants you to put your penis in their butt, Haru._

_Well aren’t you a salty little bitch, Haru._

_Makoto’s mouth moved, he definitely said something._

_Aw, shit, we missed it again._

“Hmm?” Haruka said.

“Sorry, I’m mumbling, I’m just so nervous,” Makoto said.  “But if you wanted to… I would really like… to… try… having sex with… you…”

_So that is how sex works…_

_Nah, Makoto’s probably just faking it like we are._

Makoto did, in fact, know what he was doing.  Well, as much as you could know about sex being a high schooler on the internet.  Since he had interests other than swimming he had looked into how sex worked and was able to instruct Haruka on how to stretch and lubricate to keep blood from gushing out of Makoto’s butthole.

Once Haruka’s tip had safely penetrated Makoto, Haruka became confused again.

_Is this it?  Did we do it?  I think we did it!_

_I dunno, Haru, it feels pretty weird._

“Haru?  Haru, you can move now,” Makoto said.

“I know, Makoto, I know how to sex.”

It took Haruka a few tries, moving different parts of his body in different directions before he finally settled on thrusting his hips after Makoto gasped in approval.

_Hehe.  Nailed it._

_Don’t you mean… Nailed him?_

_Ha!_

_Technically, aren’t we nailing him?  If we nailed him it would be in the past tense, but here we are, currently doing it._

_Fuck off, Haru!_

_Hehe.  “Fuck”._

And that was how Haruka and Makoto’s sexual relationship began.  They had tried doing it with Makoto penetrating Haruka, but that was less successful.  Haruka had fallen asleep.

_I’m bored,_ Haruka had said to himself.

_Yeah, we’re all bored, but we gotta stay awake._

_Why?_

_To impress Makoto._

_When did we get concerned with impressing Makoto?_

_Fair point, Haru._

_Well, I’m done with this shit.  Motion to power down the Haru?_

_Motion approved!_

_Aaaand sleep!_

“Does that feel good, Haru?” Makoto asked.  “Haru?  Haru?  You fell asleep, didn’t you?  Okay, well I’m going to take my dick out now before this becomes morally questionable.”

Often, Makoto would wonder what the sexual component of their relationship said about him and Haruka.  Were they lovers or boyfriends or friends with benefits or something else entirely? 

Haruka never wondered about such things at all.  He was preoccupied.

_Guys, what if we didn’t swim freestyle?_

_He’s a traitor, kill him!_

_What?  No!  It was just a question!_

_The number one rule about being Haru, Haru, is we NEVER question swimming freestyle.  Ready the chair!_

_Chair?  What chair?  You’re just gonna make me sit in a chair?  Like time out or something?  Phew, for a second there I thought you guys were gonna kill me—OH GOD, HARU, NOOO!_

_Good night, Haru.  And remember.  We only swim free._

“So, do you wanna spend the night, Haru?” Makoto asked after school.  “My family won’t be home.”  Makoto leaned in closer so that his breath tickled Haruka’s ear.  “You can make me scream as much as you want with your thick cock.”

This statement was not as sexy as you may think.  Makoto’s voice shook and he blushed as he said this.  He wanted to try dirty talk.  It seemed to really turn people on in the porn he had watched.  It still felt weird to say it out loud, though.

Haruka was not embarrassed.  He was not aroused, either.  Instead, he was unsure how to respond.

_He said we have a big penis.  Guys like having big penises, right?  It’s a compliment, we should say thank you._

_No, this is dirty talk.  We’re supposed to be mean to him._

_Dirty talk?  But it smells like he brushed his teeth._

_I don’t wanna be mean to Makoto.  I’m with Haru, I say we thank him._

_Argh, there’s got to be a middle ground here._

“Oh, geez, I’m sorry, Haru, that was too much, wasn’t it?  Haru?”  Haru did not respond.  “You know what, I’m just going to walk away from this situation.”

“T-thank you, slut,” Haruka stuttered.  It was too late.  Makoto had already left.

_Dammit, Haru._

_I thought it was pretty clever._

_Thank you, Haru._

That evening Haruka went to Makoto’s house.  Makoto jumped when he heard the doorbell ring.  “Haru!” he said, once he worked up the courage to open the door.  “I didn’t think you were coming.”

“Of course I came,” Haruka said.  “But not as much as you’re going to come when I fuck your ass.”  Haruka pushed past Makoto into the house.

_“Not as much as you’re going to come?”  Goddammit, who came up with this shit?  Who’s manning the mouth?_

_Haru is._

_Haru!  How could you make us say such garbage?_

_What?  He said “coming”.  Like come.  Get it?  Come.  As in sex—_

_We get it, Haru!_

Haruka marched himself to Makoto’s room where they started making out.  Haruka was unusually stiff as they did this.

“Haru?  Are you nervous?” Makoto asked.

_What?  No, we’re not nervous._

_Why does he think we’re nervous?_

_Is it because we aren’t using our hands?_

_We aren’t?  Why aren’t we using our hands?_

_The Harus in charge of hands are playing Beyblades._

_Three!  Two!  One!  Let it rip!_

_What?  Haru!  No, Haru we gotta… Oh, never mind.  Haru, you take over the hands._

_Roger!_

Haruka leapt onto Makoto, pushing him down on the bed and grinding against him.  His hands were weaving through Makoto’s hair and clothes.

_See that?  See my handy work?  That’s all me!_

“Mmm, Haru, I’m getting so hard,” Makoto moaned through smacking lips.

_Haru, say something sexy._

_I don’t know how!_

_God, why did we put Haru in charge of the mouth?_

_I dunno why, Haru!  I told you I was too scared, but you were still like “No, Haru, you’ll do fine”.  Well, I’m not fine, okay?!  I can’t be in charge of the mouth!_

_Okay, I’m sorry, let’s just put our heads together and we’ll get through this.  We gotta think of something clever to say.  He mentioned he was hard, right?  What’s something hard that we could compare his penis to?_

_Losing a freestyle race against Rin!_

_What?  No, we can’t say—_

“Harder than losing a freestyle race against Rin?”

_Who did that?_

_I’m sorry, I panicked!_

_Oh, for crying out loud, Haru!_

“Um… I don’t know how to respond to that…” Makoto said.

_It’s okay, Haru, we can recover from this!_

“Losing a freestyle race against Rin is the hardest thing I’ve ever known, Makoto.  If you were harder than that, that’d be pretty hard.”

“I’m not sure if I’m comfortable talking about Rin right now.”

“It was so hard, Makoto.”

“And now I’m kind of going soft.”

_There’s no recovering from this.  We blew it._

_Haru, you’re a genius!_

_I am?  I mean, of course I am!  What did I do?_

_We blow him._

_Oh, okay._

_Mouth Haru, prepare to make contact!_

_Aw, do I have to?  That shit’s nasty._

_Do it for Haru, Haru._

_I dunno.  What has Haru ever done for me?_

_Oh, fine, Haru, let me control the mouth.  Okay.  Right hand Haru, prepare for blow job._

_What about left hand Haru?_

_Left hand Haru can just, like, I dunno, watch Cartoon Network or something._

_Just don’t go all Looney Tunes while we have dick in our mouth._

Haruka crawled down Makoto’s body until his face was hovering over his friend’s crotch.  He started to undo Makoto’s pants.

“Haru?  What are you doing?”

“I’m giving you a blow job,” Haru said.  Then he glanced up at Makoto’s face again.  “If you want one.”

Makoto shivered at the sight of Haruka looking up at him over his chiseled muscles.  “Yes, please,” he said breathily.

_He’s so polite all of a sudden._

_What a proper gentleman._

_And his hand is in our hair and he’s pushing us down oh shit I'm gagging!_

_So much for a proper gentleman._

_Guys, I’m going to puke!_

_No, don’t throw up, Haru!_

_Here, Haru, have a Gravol._

_Thanks, Haru._

_Does Gravol work for dicks hitting your uvula, ‘cause I was pretty sure that was just for stomach aches._

_It’s all we’ve got, Haru!_

Makoto was getting bigger in Haruka’s mouth.  “Feels so good,” Makoto moaned.  “How you feeling, Haru?”

_Penis Haru, you’re report?_

_We’re about as hard as that time we lost a freestyle race—_

_Okay can we never bring that up again?_

_Okay, fine, be a killjoy.  The penis is erect._

_Great, we should tell Makoto._

_No, we shouldn’t tell Makoto, we should show Makoto.  Show don’t tell.  That’s what I’m learning in my creative writing class._

_Where are you taking a creative writing class in Haru’s brain?  You know what, never mind, forget I asked.  Just show Makoto our penis._

Haruka pushed himself up onto his knees.  Makoto whimpered slightly as his penis hit the cold air, but he was distracted soon after by the sight of Haruka stroking his own erection.

_Ugh, my right hand is starting to cramp.  Left hand Haru, do you wanna take a turn rubbing the penis?_

_Nah, man, Teen Titans is about to come on._

_That’s Teen Titans Go, Haru._

_What?  Fuck that, I’ll rub the penis for the next half hour if you want._

_I don’t know if we’re going to make it that long._

_Why not?_

_Look at Makoto.  He’s obviously thirsty._

_Thirsty?  Should we get him a juice?_

“Fuck me now, Haru!” Makoto said as he launched himself across the bed at Haruka.

_He doesn’t want juice!_

Haruka put a condom on.  Shortly after their first sexual encounter Makoto was alarmed to discover that one could get STDs from gay sex just as easily as from straight sex.  He promptly went out to buy a bulk box of condoms which he insisted Haruka use.

Inside Makoto, Haruka hit the spot that made Makoto writhe in pleasure.  Haruka’s hands ran all over Makoto’s sweaty body.  It was not long before the friction brought them both close to climaxing.

“Ngh, Haru, I’m going to come!”

_Prepare the semen!_

_Haru, don’t talk about cum that way._

_Ready!_

_Haru._

_Aim!_

_Haru!_

_Fire!_

_Oh, for crying out loud, Haru, you’re embarrassing yourself._

_Ejaculation complete._

Haruka tumbled onto Makoto, once he had pulled out and thrown away the condom.  The two squirmed in the small bed until they were both comfortable.

“I love you, Haruka.”  Makoto immediately regretted what he said.  He covered his mouth and rolled over to face away from his friend.

Meanwhile, Haruka’s brain was going wild.

_He said the L word!_

_What does it mean?_

_What do you think it means, idiot?_

_I don’t know, it could mean anything!_

_How do we respond?_

_Do we love Makoto?_

_I don’t know, Haru, all I ever think about is swimming._

_Sometimes I think about Makoto._

_Yeah, me too._

_I write smut about Makoto in my creative writing class._

_I think he’s really nice._

_And pretty._

_And a great swimmer._

_Come on, Haru, this is no time to argue—wait.  Are we… all agreeing for once?_

_Yeah, I think so._

_Alrighty then.  Mouth Haru, take it away._

“I’ll sleep on the couch.  Maybe it’ll open a portal to another dimension where I never said that,” Makoto said as he began to get out of bed.

Haruka stopped him from leaving by wrapping his arms around Makoto’s shoulders.  With a light peck on the cheek, Haruka whispered gently, “I love you, too, Makoto.”

_D’aw!_

_That’s so gay._

_You’re so gay, Haru._

_Um, Haru?  Yeah, this is penis Haru. We’re up again._


End file.
